Am I overreacting or is my boyfriend wrong?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years now. We had a year and a half break in between, but have been doing great since being back together. We get along great, talk a lot, laugh, etc. etc. etc. However, this new problem just started and it is threatening our relationship. I would like your opinion on it, please.





About two months ago my boyfriend started a new job. When he first started, he mentioned this girl that he found amusing. She was one of those girls that thinks that every guy likes her and flirts constantly. He didn't see her often because of different work schedules, but when he did she would do things like fake punching him, saying things to get his attention like, ';So last night I was giving this guy head and I had a cough drop in my mouth so everything got all sticky!'; Him and I would laugh about the situation because we knew she was just trying to get his attention. I didn't really think much of it, but it was a little annoying. Later, another coworker told him that this girl likes him and likes taking other girls boyfriends.





So around Thanksgiving they get their schedules changed and now they work together constantly. I was at my Dad's house this past Saturday and found out that he was going out with her and another coworker. I was a little annoyed and told him but then I let it go. When I tried texting him that evening while he was out, he was very short with me and responded with, ';What do you need?'; Needless to say, I was shocked as he usually doesn't mind sending 2 or 3 texts to me when he is out for a whole night.





Him and I got into a small argument about the texting. Then I was talking to him on Tuesday during a break at work and found out that she asked him to give her pool lessons (he plays in a league) and he said he would. They were planning to go to a bar alone. I told him I was uncomfortable with that, and he pretty much said too bad. He told me I could stop by for a minute to see him (I hadn't in awhile since it is finals week) and when I showed up, he gave me a one armed side hug and ignored me the rest of the time. Him and her were talking and anytime I tried to get a word in to say I was leaving he would walk right by to help her shoot. I was going to attempt to talk to her, but wasn't given the opportunity. I left after about 10 min and about 30 seconds of conversation.





Since then, I found out that she told him that she doesn't like me and I shouldn't have stopped by, and he agreed. I told him that I was not comfortable with him hanging out alone with her and asked him to not do that again. (He cheated on me a few years ago so I still get a little wary when he is around girls like that alone.) He refuses. I told him that hanging out with her and other people is fine, but I am uncomfortable with them hanging out alone. He still won't do it. He is acting protective of her which bothers me since you would think that he would care about how I feel, and not a girl he met recently. Oh, I should also mention that he stated that the reason he would not say no to hanging out with her alone is because, ';This about about my personal freedom to hang out with my friends, it is not about her.'; Which I do not believe because I constantly encourage him to hang out with his guy friends and his girls friends all the time.








Anyway, my question is do you think I am overreacting or is he in the wrong? I am not asking that he stop being her friend, just not hang out with her alone until I get to know her better (which probably won't happen because he told me today that he will never let us hang out in the same group).





Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!Am I overreacting or is my boyfriend wrong?
He's wrong.


You're right.


If he cheated on you once, he'll do it again. Once a cheater, always a cheater.Am I overreacting or is my boyfriend wrong?
Here is a suggestion.








Reread your question, but pretend it is from someone else. Then give advice for that question based on the facts presented.





you'll be more open to the likely scenario that way.
you right he is wrong.if he cant choose u over a co-worker dump him now!!you should be his number 1
the question is to long %26gt;_%26lt;
Hon, he is WAY out of line.





Find someone you deserve, that's all I can say.
To me, you sound totally justified. This chick likes him and you've heard she likes stealing other people's boyfriends. On top of that, he's cheated on you before. I would think any decent boyfriend would understand you felt uncomfortable with the two of them being out alone, especially given the past infidelity. The part about him acting protective of her makes me even more wary...shouldn't he protective over you and your feelings? I dunno. Strikes me as a little suspect.
Of course it's going to be a long question, lol it's a complicated situation.





I know it's not going to be what you want to hear honey, but if a guy is willing to cheat on a girl -period- that means he will cheat again if he feels like it or has the opportunity. I'm sure you love him and he may well love you too, but some guys just aren't capable of having a fully monogamous relationship. You can try to have a serious discussion with him about this, but really you should leave. -Get out of the situation before he hurts you all over again.





No love is worth putting yourself through pain, heartache and stress. Get out there and find someone better, believe me, whether you think such a person exists for you or not - they really are out there. Goodluck with your situation, luv, and make the decision that is best for you in the long-run. :)
iT SOUNDS LiKE TO ME THAT HE'L END UP CHEATiNG ON YOU WiTH HER. HE SHOULDN'T BE ACTiNG LiKE THAT TO HiS GiRLFRiEND OF 5 YEARS. i WOULD SERiOUSLY GO OFF ON HiM AND TOLD HiM THAT HE EiTHER HAS A CHOiCE EiTHER STOP HANGiNG OUT WiTH HER OR iM GONE. SWEETiE YOU SHOULDN'T BE TREATED THAT WAY...YOU DESERVE BETTER!
I have been in this situation before, and i know that it is very unpleasant.


Working with someone and spending so much time together, WITHOUT having your significant other there can easily get out of hand. Sexual tensions build and build.


The fact that he is spending so much time with her, and not paying you the proper attention, as well as his lack of respect for your feelings all point to one thing-------%26gt; AFFAIR.


It can be difficult to actually accept, but i will almost guarantee that this is the case. I have had it done to me, and I have done it to a partner. Your story is like a mirror image of my experiences.


Considering that he has cheated before, makes it all the more likely.





I strongly suggest that you do some detective work of yourself, if you need proof. Otherwise I would not hesitate in leaving this guy.You deserve alot better.
You aren't overreacting.





Even if he isn't cheating on you, he is being disrespectful of you. If this gal had grown up across the street from him and they have a friendship history... that's one thing. And even then, I would question it a bit.





On the other hand, this girl is really nobody except for a new acquaintance who is getting WAY too friendly with your man.





I am NOT saying that your boyfriend is cheating, but I AM SAYING without a doubt, that he isn't respecting you enough in this situation.





It is completely grounds for dismissal. After five years, if he can't respect you more than this, you are right to question it. I hate to say that, because I'm quite sure this is not what you want to hear, but I mean.. come on!





Actually, in this case, you have every right to ask for him to stop being her friend. Seriously. If her friendship is more important than your relationship, than whether he is cheating or not is unimportant. It just gives you good perspective on his priorities.





Here's the important thing: DO NOT let him guilt you in to thinking you are over-protective, jealous, or wrong. Unless you misrepresented yourself in this question, you are totally warranted in telling him to shape up or ship out
Take the time to get his point of view. He probably loves you much, much more than you would like to believe, and just likes to enjoy time with his friends. If he's not actively pursuing time to spend with her, then it's not a problem.





But I guess you'll probably go with the consensus, instead of your own heart, and in the process you'll probably break his.





Good luck, just understand that he loves you more than you'll ever know.
no. you are not overreacting AT ALL. If he won't let you hang out with them, there is something up. I understand that he is trying to have his freedom and he wants you to prove that you can trust him...but he really doesn't deserve your trust. he cheated on you...





and have you gotten that resolved before you got back together?





I'm sorry. I know that you've been with him for 5 years, but do you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this?





I thought that my bf of over 2 years was interested in some other girls that he was eating lunch with alone at college but then I stopped worrying so much when he allowed me to hang out with them and I realized I was overreacting. YOU are NOT.





Sit down and talk to him about it. Its all that you can really do. I know that you've tried. but try approaching the issue with a different TONE. DON'T let it turn into an argument...just a discussion. and It wouldn't be a good idea to bring up him cheating on you in the past unless you have to because it will make him more irritated.





also. tell him. ITS NOT THAT I DON'T TRUST ';YOU';...I DON'T TRUST ';HER';.





You saying this will probably change A LOT on how he looks at the subject. If it doesn't.... then how many more chances can you really give him? ya know.
wow that sucks!


this girl sounds so stupid


im pretty sure i made the ';head is sticky'; joke when i was in 8th grade..


i think you should dump his ***


my boyfriend cheated on me once and i was in almost the same situation as you are


it was horrible


i broke up with him and now i am doing much better


if he did it once he will most likely do it again
Oh, girl. I've been in the same situation as you. Except that my boyfriend doesn't really have much of a social life or many friends so his excuse for the girl ';friends'; he makes is that he wants someone else to talk to. And it always upsets me that he would go out with these girls alone without telling me beforehand. I've always found out when I call him during these outings and I'm asking him what's he's doing. He would put their feelings before mine, like if she calls and asks him what's he's doing and he happens to be with me he won't tell her that because he didn't want to rub it in her face. As you can imagine, there were any fights and tears because of my boyfriend's actions; however he did listen to what I was telling him and respected my wishes. My boyfriend is not perfect and nobody is but at least he was willing to change. So my advice is to try to talk to your boyfriend again about your feelings and reverse the roles; how would he feel if you were hanging out with a male co-worker, who liked to steal other guy's girlfriends, by giving private swimming lessons? If he still doesn't see your side then you need to decide how important this is to you and if it's worth leaving your boyfriend over. Trust is the most important element of any relationship and I know every time I found out about a girl ';friend'; my boyfriend lost some of my trust and he had to work to get it back. If you can't trust your boyfriend and he's not willing to win your trust back then it's time to go. Good luck!
ur definitely NOT overreacting. what an ***. how does treat you like that in front of another girl?! relationships are about compromise. i may have not been in one for a long time, but that is pretty obvious. he should have done what he could have to accommodate you. plus u said he cheated before. hate to tell u, but he is a flirt and he has googly eyes around her. its what guys do sometimes. when a beautiful girl talks to you, u don't think very clearly, if any at all. u just get lost. if u reaaaaally love him, then u gotta make ur feelings clear or cut him loose. hope i helped!
Very great post ! too bad most people wont take the time to read it but ANYWAYS


My opinion is this girl is slutty and she wants attention from your boyfriend. She is saying YOUR a problem when in reality it was not your fault he was just being an *** and not talking to you at the bar. If he does not respect that you dont want him around her alone then thats really disrepectful. You allow him to hang out with her in a group which is very reasonable. If you want an awnser if your over reacting ? No way , not at all. You have all the right to be uncomfortable with that. If you ask me what are you to do? You have talked to him so I'm not sure but you are definately not over reacting


Good luck
No, you are not overreacting!! If he cant respect you or your feelings then dump his ***! Im sorry.. you've already put up with him cheating on you so you have every right to be suspicious.. Give him one last serious talk and if he cant do it then... Leave him alone and find somebody else!
he is definietly in the wrong. You need to explain to him that if this girl hes known for such a short period of time is MORE IMPORTANT to him then YOU ARE then you are going to end it.





Dont put up with his stupid BS Hes obviously attracted to her and she is obviously the type of tramp to go for a guy whos already taken.





I feel bad for you. That really sucks. But if you think about it. Do you really want to be with a guy who wants to have friends like her? She sounds like such an airhead b**** haha.





PS: And if you do end it and he comes crawling back to you later about how right you were about that other girl tell him NO and BACK AWAY and dont get caught up in more of his crap.





Sorry if i sound harsh but i hate people like that.





Goodluck to you hun!





**If he really cared about you he would consider your feelings about this. Especially with how long youve been together and how he treated you in the past**
Ya, he's definitely wrong. Don't mean to be an *** but I think he just wants to get his whistle wet so watch out for him.





Trust I'm a guy, been in this situation with others before. Not too proud of that but that's whats probably going on.
You are definitely right to be angry. I would be really pissed off if my boyfriend was treating some girl better than me. Going to bars together with a slutty girl who actually tells him that she doesn't like you is completely unacceptable. If I were you I would seriously reevaluate your relationship. Even if he's not sleeping with her, it's not right for him to ignore your pleas to not hang out with her alone.