PROBLEM: How Can You Make a Relationship OFFICIAL? What makes something a Relationship (aka being gf/bf)???

I'm sure many people faced this problem numerous times: what puts a label on a relationship? Sometimes two people flirt and become very intimate but they never quite get to being gf/bf. I have been in such ';relationship'; for the past few months. We have slept together (not sex, but cuddling/spooning) and went out on multiple dates (movies, dinner, etc.). We are intimate with each other and don't feel uncomfortable at all inviting each other over for a night. Yet, we are not girl/boyfriend. The reason: he said that he is not emotionally ready and I am going overseas for a year soon. Yet, I wish we were official even for a brief time. We have done so many sweet things to and with each other, yet it's frustrating that I am in the end only a friend to him. Is it wrong to continue this weird relationship without ever making it official? It's rather painful for me to continue this, especially when I see him hang out with other girls and I feel I have no right to say anything about it. Help!!PROBLEM: How Can You Make a Relationship OFFICIAL? What makes something a Relationship (aka being gf/bf)???
WOW.. I am in exact situation. I have known a man 8 years older than I (he's 44, I'm 36) and he keeps telling me that we are just ';friends';. But funny thing is that we have been lovers too. Our relationship is like we were girlfriend/boyfriend. He gave me his key to home, We are affectionate with each other.. but his words to me all the time he does not want a girlfriend nor fiance because he doesnt have time for that. I questioned myself.. then what am I? He has time for me when we are together so what is the difference? We have known each other know for 5 months. Within this time I have discovered he seduces other ladies (much older than I and few years older than him). He is romantic with them, tells them sexy things.. anyway.. I feel bad and even though I appreciate the ';friendship'; or whatever relation we have.. I need to diplomaticly break it off. I do not want to be a casual lover and someone secretly behind me ';cheating'; with 5 or 10 different ladies. He has never married and even though he says he wants to.. I feel sorry for for the woman to be his wife. His habits will not change. Going on 4 weeks ago when I was at his place.. a lady came by and it made me nervous. She did not not knock at door.. she just stood outside looking at window. I confronted him with this calmly and he became irritated with me. refused to be truthful and from that day on our relation has not been as it was. He used to call me every day/night. Anyhow, it is going on 4 weeks now and his silence has become too excessive and I find it quite childish. I have told him many times since our relation is what it is, we need to be honest and inform the other if we have other interests and told him to be careful when sleeping around. I am trying to figure a way of what to say and how to say it when he refuses to answer my calls and or refuses email contact.. that I am thankful for the time we had, but I am in a point in my life where I need exclusive partnership as a lover, ect. Basically I need to sever the ';friendship';; It is hard yes because I will miss him, but I am being hurt more by waiting in this crazy relationship. I refuse to be played. Let him play these romance and seduction games with the other ladies and hopefully these women will discover him for who he truly is... a person who plays with feelings and someone who will never commit to anyone.. thanks for your time... and if anyone can pass advice to me on what words to use when breaking up with a man, I will highly appreciate it! :-)


R~~~ Florida, USAPROBLEM: How Can You Make a Relationship OFFICIAL? What makes something a Relationship (aka being gf/bf)???
Try reading the book ';He's just not that into you.'; It's good. So that's all I can say, he's just not that into you. He's not emotionally ready, it may be true but he said it all: he doesn't want to be commited to you right now. Why would you want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with you?





I'm sorry I have nothing happy to say to you, but the right guy is out there and when you find him, it will be the right person at the right place and the right time.





Best of luck!
You both sound like you need counseling. He is afraid to even commit to boyfriend/girlfriend and you are a doormat letting him get away with it.





May as well call him your snuggle-buddy.
Ok, as painful as this is going to be you need to hear the truth. What you are going through is a pre-committed relationship trial. Your more than likely not going to end up being with this guy who is not yet ready to have a real relationship. Its going to work in your favor because you know exactly what you are looking for from a guy but WITH the commitment. Women pay thousands of dollars on books and never get a clue what they want and your allready at the right place in your mind. This guy will regret letting you go but fact is that if he is not ready it could take a lifetime for him to get ready. You do not want to give up your own happiness for something that is not totally satisfying. Also staying in a half baked situation only keeps both of you from meeting the loves that will make you take that final step. Dont force anything to go farther, enjoy this connection for what it really is which is a non-committed beautiful friendship. You are going away and perhaps into the arms of the man who can fulfill ALL of your dreams, not 98% of them. You know what to look for and how to love, thats the best thing you can do to prepare for the real deal, but this particular thing even though its love, it isn't the love of your life. Good Luck, Take Care and have a good trip hun, I hope it brings you happiness.-Rachel.